We’re the Millers Quotes

We're-The-Millers-quotesWe’re the Millers is no Horrible Bosses in the “hilarious quotes” department, but it was definitely a passable summer comedy. There were even a few good laughs that weren’t given away by the trailers.

Starring:
Jason Sudeikis as David
Jennifer Aniston as Rose
Will Poulter as Kenny
Emma Roberts as Casey
Ed Helms as Brad
Kathryn Hahn as Edie

 

[Club Owner]: Hey Rose, I know you’re technically on break but I need a lap dance, table 5. Just don’t get too close, the guy has two hook hands.
Rose: How did we let that guy back in here?
[Club Owner]: I dunno, he must’ve picked the locks. Hehehe.

David: What the hell are you doing up, it’s almost 2… Where’s your mom?
Kenny:
Uhh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David:
When?
Kenny:
Last week… So I got the whole place to myself. Rollin’ Han Solo for the weekend.

David: Please don’t tell me where we’re going. I love surprises.
[Receptionist]: Can I help you?
David: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark here to see Mr. Gurdlinger please?
[Receptionist]: I’ll tell him you’re here. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea, Fresca?
David: Hmm you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
[Receptionist]: You got it.
David: I appreciate it. Hold on one sec… you guys want anything? It’s on me, you can replenish those electrolytes. I don’t want you cramping up later when you’re jerking each other off.

David: [Lost tourist asks for directions] Fuck off, real life Flanders!

Brad: [Phone rings] Go for B-rad.
David: Hey Brad, what the fuck?
Brad: Uh oh, something wrong?
David: Yeah something’s wrong. Something’s very very wrong! Okay, you said a smidge of pot. This is not a smidge!
Brad: Smidge and a half, no?
David: You got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson man!

Casey: I think Snoop Dogg would fuck this fridge…

Edie: Just so you know, when you’re a synchronized swimmer you can’t use a maxi pad because you can see it. So my friend bought me a box of “tampins” and I’m telling you I had such a hard time inserting those. They would just stick halfway out. It’s like a roman candle. And that is how I found out I was born with a shallow vagina.
Rose: Yes, that is such a detailed story.
Edie: Thank you!
David: You gotta do a one-woman show.

Casey: Did you think Lebron was [a real baby]? Oh no no, Lebron was a sack of herbs, oregano and basil.
David: Yeah, we were just treating it like it was a real baby. You know, for a summer project. It teaches the students that nothing ruins your life more than having children.
Rose: It also sends that message to teens, just stick to the big A.
David: Yeah… Anal.
Rose: Abstinence.
David: Abstinence! Neither makes a baby.

David: [Guessing pictionary] Is it a bad drawing Kenny? My guess is bad drawing.
Rose: Oh, a penis! It’s a big dick! Those are balls… It’s a big, black dick! Big black dick! It’s a… big black cock. Black cock down!
Kenny: It’s a skateboard.

David: [Kenny] you don’t have to be scared to kiss a girl. I mean you damn near sucked a guys dick back there.

Kenny: [Gets bit by a huge spider] Fuck a donkey, it hurts so much.
David: What the hell is going on?
Kenny: A fucking spider bit me, David!
David: What? Where, where did it happen?
Kenny: It bit me on my balls! On my fucking balls. On my balls. On my FUCKING BALLS!
Rose: Let me see it. Kenny, let me see it.
Kenny: No fucking way. You’re not seeing it.
Rose: Kenny c’mon, I can’t help you unless you show it to me. Please sweetie, just show it to me.
David: Kenny will you just man up and drop your pants please.
Casey: We’ve all seen a dick.

David: [mad at Casey] We didn’t know if you were dead in a ditch!
Rose: You couldn’t have called?!
David: Yeah, or send one of those damn text messages you’re always sending out there – “Hey it’s me Casey, I’m not dead in a ditch. LOL, little picture of a fuckin’ whale, #YOLO”.

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